It's Not All Gumdrops & Unicorns

How's it going my gumdrops? As I already said in the previous Song Saturday entry, I have a blog review about Christmas Slashers.

With me being so busy doing last minute Christmas shopping, watching Christmas Slashers, etc. I did not have enough time to publish my review, sooner.

Even though I changed It's Not All Gumdrops & Unicorns' scenery for Valentine's Day and Christmas Day is over for most of us, some have yet to celebrate Christmas.

Orthodox Christians don't celebrate Christmas Day, until January 7, 2015.

Therefore, I'm sharing my Christmas Slasher Review today.

Since last Monday morning, I watched a few Christmas Slashers. Last year, I only watched Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972) and the 2012 remake of Silent Night, Deadly Night. Monday morning, I watched Black Christmas (1974) and Tuesday I watched Christmas Evil (1980).

These Slashers have year gaps between them, and they will be reviewed in chronological order.

Just a quick reminder, I am somewhat biased against these Christmas Slashers mostly because they didn't scare me.

1) Silent Night, Bloody Night Trailer (1972)

Theodore Gershuny's Silent Night, Bloody Night was originally released as Night Of The Dark Full Moon and is also known as Death House.

Silent Night, Bloody Night was created in 1972, but was shelved for 2 years. It wasn't until 1974, that the Slasher was released in the movie theaters.

Silent Night, Bloody Night starts on Christmas Eve 1950. Wilfred Butler returns to his mansion only to learn, that it was turned into a mental institution for the criminally insane. That same day, Wilfred is shown running outside his mansion, while on fire and collapses to his supposed death in the snow. The towns people believe, that Wilfred's death was accidental and his mansion is shut down.

About 22 years later, lawyer John Carter and his assistant Ingrid arrive in a small Massachusetts town. He meets with the town's nobles, Mayor Adams, Sheriff Bill Mason, Tess Howard, and Charlie Towman. John is revealed to be Jeffrey Butler's lawyer. Jeffrey is Wilfred Butler's grandson. Jeffrey Butler tries selling the Butler mansion for $50,000 by noon the next day.

After John Carter calls his wife, it has been revealed, that he's cheating on her with his assistant, Ingrid. John and Ingrid stay the night at the Butler mansion for dinner and sex. During sex, they are slaughtered in bed with an axe.

Then, the killer calls the police station's phone operator (Tess) in a low, muffled voice. The killer claims to be "Marianne."

I was bored watching Silent Night, Bloody Night last December. The movie's trailer, night scenery, the voyeurism, music, phone calls, and Wilfred Butler's low, muffled voice were creepy. Otherwise, Silent Night, Bloody Night was very slow and boring.

If memory serves me right, I started dosing off at my keyboard just watching it.

2) Black Christmas Trailer (1974)

Bob Clark's best known for creating Porky's and A Christmas Story. Most don't know, that he created Black Christmas. The movie was originally titled Silent Night, Evil Night.

As a filmmaker, Bob Clark had versatility. Black Christmas was literally created 9 years before A Christmas Story. Those 2 Christmas movies were from completely different film genres, which is fascinating.

Black Christmas is revered as 1 of the original Christmas Slashers. Not only is this considered to be 1 of the original Christmas Slasher, but it also contributed to the launching of the Slasher Genre.

In fact, John Carpenter was inspired by Black Christmas. That's why Halloween exists.

Silent Night, Evil Night (Black Christmas) begins with sorority girls preparing for Christmas Break. While they are having their Christmas Party, they start getting strange and obscene phone calls. They automatically assume it's a prank caller.

All the while, Barb taunts their sorority sister Clare for being a virgin. Clare becomes annoyed with Barb's insults and goes to pack her clothes in her room.

Their housemother's meowing cat randomly appears.

Clare starts hearing strange noises, is smothered to death from behind with a clothing bag, and is carried to the attic. Her corpse is later propped in the attic's rocking chair in front of the window. Supposedly, no one knows what happened to Clare.

Her sorority assumes she is missing.

The characters in Black Christmas annoyed me. They are depicted as obnoxious, stupid, and morally depraved sluts, including the so-called "heroine."

After the harassing phone calls, tapping the phone wires, and the investigation, no one caught the serial killer, Billy.

The movie's trailer, harassing phone calls, film score, the red herring character (Jess' boyfriend Peter), Billy's Doberman colored eyes peeping through the door, his hidden appearance, and the camera angles, pans, and zooms were all creepy.

Otherwise, Black Christmas didn't frighten me. I was highly disappointed.

I guess "my skin IS on too tight."

3) Christmas Evil (1980)

This 1980 Christmas Slasher was originally released as You Better Watch Out and is also known as Terror In Toyland.

I could not help rolling my eyes, while laughing at this movie. Watching Christmas Evil was a joke! The YouTube vlogger, Dr. Wolfula does a better job at reviewing this movie than I could ever give without laughing hysterically behind my keyboard.

Dr. Wolfula's Christmas Evil Review (2010)

So Harry, a deranged toymaker at Jolly Dreams wasted 33 YEARS of his life being traumatized over his father role playing as Santa Claus and supposedly witnessed some tongue action under his mother's nightgown. Too hilarious for words!

Was Daddy the so-called "Clit Commander" dressed as Santa on Christmas Eve?

Regardless, Harry's Santaphobia was and still is hilarious.

Had the filmmaker been more clever with possibly showing Harry accidentally walking in on his mother moaning from mind shattering orgasms, during sex with his father, or if he witnessed his mother being beaten and/raped, his trauma would've been MORE convincing and realistic. None of what I mentioned was shown in Christmas Evil.

If any of those situations could've been demonstrated to the audience without the child actor being on the set for the scene years ago, Harry's trauma would've been more convincing.

He became a deranged, mass murderer because Daddy was caressing Mommy's thigh under her nightgown, while being a CUNNING LINGUIST in a Santa costume!

OH NO! I saw Daddy dressed as Santa Claus, while doing weird things under Mommy's nightgown by the Christmas Tree! So traumatizing! Now, I have SANTAPHOBIA!

Harry's bizarre behavior, his Santa memorabilia, the music score, and the film's trailer were the only creepy qualities about Christmas Evil. Watching Harry murder 3 church parishioning bullies in front of everyone on the stair steps made me laugh so hard, I cried hysterically.

That's besides him smothering and slitting his co-workers' throats with a knife, as well as flying into the moonlight like a scene out of E.T. with his SANTAMOBILE.

I just could NOT take Christmas Evil seriously. 

4) Silent Night, Deadly Night Trailer (1984)

The original Silent Night, Deadly Night was notorious for its controversial trailer 30 years ago. There were 3 Christmas Slashers, that existed years before Silent Night, Deadly Night was created. However, it was the most demonized.

Militant, Stay-At-Home Mommies and Christian zealots protested on the streets and literally called Tri-Star Films to have Silent Night, Deadly Night banned NATIONWIDE.

Siskel and Ebert persecuting the filmmaker contributed to Silent Night, Deadly Night's bannings from theaters after its 1st week. Here's something really interesting:

Both A Nightmare On Elm Street and Silent Night, Deadly Night released on November 9, 1984.

Silent Night, Deadly Night outperformed A Nightmare On Elm Street; On the same day, it blew A Nightmare On Elm Street out the water! 

My family claimed years ago, that parents took their children to watch it in the movie theaters. Other sources claimed, that the trailer was advertised, during times when children were watching TV.

After watching Silent Night, Deadly Night last week on Christmas morning, I was disappointed.

The opening for Silent Night, Deadly Night was phenomenal yet cheesy all at once. A little boy sang, as the movie's title rushed onto the screen with animated blood being splattered.

On Christmas Eve 1971, the 7-year-old Billy Chapman and his family go to visit his institutionalized grandfather. Billy's grandfather is supposedly "catatonic."

The doctor escorts Billy's parents to review his grandfather's records. Suddenly, Billy's grandfather traumatizes him about Christmas and Santa Claus. He starts telling Billy that Santa punishes naughty boys and girls.

After witnessing his "catatonic" grandfather's disturbing behavior, while hearing his grandfather's grisly secret about Christmas, Billy's Santaphobia is soon born.

Yes, Santaphobia really does exist. It's also a main contributor to Silent Night, Deadly Night's plot.

After Billy is traumatized by his grandfather, he is subjected to more trauma. Down the road, a robber dressed as Santa Claus robbed a liquor store, while shooting the clerk dead. That same robber kills Billy's father, shortly after.

The robber proceeds to rape Billy's mother and slits her throat with a knife. Once Billy witnesses this traumatic incident, he is placed in an orphanage where he is subjected to more trauma and physical abuse by Mother Superior.

Whenever Billy witnesses people having sex, he automatically views it as rape.

Witnessing a co-worker being raped by another co-worker, after being forced to dress as Santa Claus for work triggered Billy's killing spree.

I spent more time sympathizing and empathizing with Billy Chapman than any character. Silent Night, Deadly Night's music, highly misleading trailer, Billy's grandfather, the toy soldiers, and Santa Claus decorations creeped me out.

Overall, this Christmas Slasher was barely scary. I didn't jump out my skin watching it. I kept bracing myself for a scare, but the scares failed to deliver for me. I'm starting to believe I've become desensitized to Horror.

5) Silent Night Trailer (2012)

OMG! This movie is nothing like the original Silent Night, Deadly Night movie. It has no real story to it.

The serial killer's Santa Claus mask is scary whereas everything else is forced. I nearly fell off my bed from laughing at Silent Night last Christmas Eve.

Watching the killer Santa literally taze that bratty 12-year-old pill popper to death still is hilarious and the best part of the entire movie.

I discussed Silent Night with my friend, Charlie JJ Kruger from Horror-Punks.com, 2 months ago. Charlie also said the movie was terrible. He's not lying. Silent Night was a Shit Sandwich.

Out of all 5 Christmas Slashers, Silent Night, Deadly Night is the best in my opinion and Black Christmas creeps behind it. Even though I wasn't afraid of any Christmas Slasher Movie above, I believe casual viewers will be.

Silent Night, Deadly Night has slightly more of a backstory to Billy Chapman's killing spree. Meanwhile, Billy in Black Christmas (not to be confused with Billy Chapman) is never physically shown.

We only know that Black Christmas' Billy is a stalker/serial killer. That in itself is enough to scare people, since stalkers and serial killers really exist.

If you happen to watch these Christmas Slashers (you can YouTube them all for free), let me know what you think!