It's Not All Gumdrops & Unicorns

How's it going my gumdrops? As I already said in the previous Song Saturday entry, I have a blog review about Christmas Slashers.

With me being so busy doing last minute Christmas shopping, watching Christmas Slashers, etc. I did not have enough time to post my review, sooner.

Even though I changed It's Not All Gumdrops & Unicorns' scenery for Valentine's Day and Christmas Day is over for most of us, some have yet to celebrate Christmas.

Orthodox Christians don't celebrate Christmas Day, until January 7, 2015.

Therefore, I'm sharing my Christmas Slasher Review today.

Since last Monday morning, I watched a few Christmas Slashers. Last year, I only watched Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972) and the 2012 remake of Silent Night, Deadly Night. Monday morning, I watched Black Christmas (1974) and Tuesday I watched Christmas Evil (1980).

These Slashers have age gaps between them, and they will be reviewed in chronological order.

Just a quick reminder, I am somewhat biased against these Christmas Slashers mostly because they didn't scare me.

Silent Night, Bloody Night Trailer (1972)

Theodore Gershuny's Silent Night, Bloody Night was originally released as Night Of The Dark Full Moon and is also known as Death House.

Silent Night, Bloody Night was created in 1972, but was shelved for 2 years. It wasn't until 1974, that the Slasher was released in the movie theaters.

Silent Night, Bloody Night starts on Christmas Eve 1950. Wilfred Butler returns to his mansion only to learn, that it was turned into a mental institution for the criminally insane. That same day, Wilfred is shown running outside his mansion, while on fire and collapses to his supposed death in the snow. The towns people believe, that Wilfred's death was accidental and his mansion is shut down.

About 22 years later, lawyer John Carter and his assistant Ingrid arrive in a small Massachusetts town. He meets with the town's nobles, Mayor Adams, Sheriff Bill Mason, Tess Howard, and Charlie Towman. John is revealed to be Jeffrey Butler's lawyer. Jeffrey is Wilfred Butler's grandson. Jeffrey Butler tries selling the Butler mansion for $50,000 by noon the next day.

After John Carter calls his wife, it has been revealed, that he's cheating on her with his assistant, Ingrid. John and Ingrid stay the night at the Butler mansion for dinner and sex. While they're having sex, they're slaughtered with an axe in bed.

Then, the killer calls the police station's phone operator (Tess) in a low, muffled voice. The killer claims to be "Marianne."

I was bored watching Silent Night, Bloody Night last December. The movie's trailer, night scenery, the voyeurism, music, phone calls, and Wilfred Butler's low, muffled voice were creepy. Otherwise, Silent Night, Bloody Night was very slow and boring.

If memory serves me right, I started dosing off at my keyboard just watching it.

Black Christmas Trailer (1974)

Bob Clark's best known for creating Porky's and A Christmas Story. Most don't know, that he created Black Christmas. The movie was originally titled Silent Night, Evil Night.

I commend Bob Clark's versatility as a filmmaker. Black Christmas was literally created 9 years before A Christmas Story. These 2 Christmas movies are from opposite genres of films, which is fascinating.

Black Christmas is revered as 1 of the original Christmas Slashers. Not only is Black Christmas considered to be an original Slasher, but it also contributed to the launch of the Slasher Genre. John Carpenter was inspired by this movie. That's why Halloween exists.

Silent Night, Evil Night (Black Christmas) begins with sorority girls preparing for Christmas Break. While they are having their Christmas Party, they start getting strange and obscene phone calls. They automatically assume it's a prank caller.

All the while, Barb taunts their sorority sister Clare for being a virgin. Clare becomes annoyed with Barb's insults and goes to pack her clothes in her room. Suddenly their housemother's cat randomly appears meowing. Clare starts hearing strange noises,is smothered to death from behind with a clothing bag, and is carried to the attic.

Her corpse is later propped in the attic's rocking chair in front of the window. Supposedly, no one knows what happened to Clare. Her sorority assumes she's missing.

The characters in Black Christmas annoyed me. The characters appeared as stupid and obnoxious. After the harassing phone calls, tapping the phone wires, and the investigation, no one caught the serial killer, Billy.

The movie trailer, phone calls, music, the red herring character (Jess' boyfriend Peter), Billy's Doberman colored eyes peeping through the door, his hidden appearance, and the camera angles, pans, and zooms were creepy.

Otherwise, Black Christmas didn't frighten me. I was highly disappointed.

I guess "my skin IS on too tight."

Christmas Evil (1980)

This 1980 Christmas Slasher was originally released as You Better Watch Out and is also known as Terror In Toyland.

Not only could I not help rolling my eyes and laughing at this movie, but I also could not find its original trailer to share. Watching Christmas Evil was a joke! The YouTube vlogger, Dr. Wolfula does a better job at reviewing this movie than I could ever give without laughing hysterically behind my keyboard.

Dr. Wolfula's Christmas Evil Review (2010)

Harry spent 33 years of his life being traumatized over his father role playing as Santa Claus and witnessed him caressing his mother's upper thigh. That was hilarious.

If Harry witnessed his mother moaning from mind shattering orgasms, during sex with his father, or if he witnessed his mother being beaten and/raped, his trauma would've been more logical. None of this happened in Christmas Evil. If any of these situations could've been shown to the audience, Harry's trauma would've been a lot more understandable.

He became deranged because daddy was caressing mommy's thigh under her nightgown.

Ooh! So traumatizing. Harry's bizarre behavior, his Santa memorabilia, the music, and the movie's trailer were the only scary qualities to Christmas Evil.

I laughed hysterically watching Harry murder 3 church parishioning bullies in front of everyone on the stair steps. This is besides him smothering and slitting his co-workers' throats with a knife. I just couldn't take Christmas Evil seriously. 

Silent Night, Deadly Night Trailer (1984)

The original Silent Night, Deadly Night was notorious for its controversial trailer 30 years ago. There were 3 Christmas Slashers, that existed years before Silent Night, Deadly Night was created. However, it received the most backlash with angry soccer moms and Christian extremists protesting. Siskel and Ebert persecuting the filmmaker contributed to Silent Night, Deadly Night's bannings from theaters after its 1st week.

It blew A Nightmare On Elm Street out the water the same day! Both A Nightmare On Elm Street and Silent Night, Deadly Night released on November 9, 1984.

My family claimed years ago, that parents took their children to watch it in the movie theaters. Meanwhile, other sources claimed the trailer was advertised, during times when children were watching TV. After watching Silent Night, Deadly Night last week on Christmas morning, I was disappointed.

The opening for Silent Night, Deadly Night was phenomenal yet cheesy at the same time. It had a little boy singing, while the movie's title slowly creeped on the screen with animated blood being splattered.

On Christmas Eve 1971, the 7-year-old Billy Chapman and his family go to visit his institutionalized grandfather. Billy's grandfather is supposedly "catatonic."

The doctor escorts Billy's parents to review his grandfather's records. Suddenly, Billy's grandfather traumatizes him about Christmas and Santa Claus. He starts telling Billy that Santa punishes naughty boys and girls. With his "catatonic" grandfather's disturbing behavior and grisly secret, Billy's Santaphobia is born.

Yes, Santaphobia really does exist. It's also a main contributor to Silent Night, Deadly Night's plot.

After Billy is traumatized by his grandfather, he is subjected to more trauma. Down the road, a robber dressed as Santa Claus robbed a liquor store, while shooting the clerk dead. That same robber kills Billy's father, shortly after.

The robber proceeds to rape Billy's mother and slits her throat with a knife. Once Billy witnesses this traumatic incident, he's placed in an orphanage where he is subjected to more trauma and physical abuse by Mother Superior. Every time Billy witnesses people having sex, he automatically views it as rape. Turning 18 and witnessing a co-worker being raped by another co-worker triggered Billy's killing spree.

I spent more time sympathizing and empathizing with Billy Chapman than any character. Silent Night, Deadly Night's music, highly misleading trailer, Billy's grandfather, the toy soldiers, and Santa Claus decorations creeped me out.

Overall, this Christmas Slasher was barely scary. I didn't jump out my skin watching it. I kept bracing myself for a scare, but the scares failed to deliver with me. I'm starting to believe I've become desensitized to Horror.

Silent Night Trailer (2012)

OMG! This movie is nothing like the original Silent Night, Deadly Night movie. There isn't a real story to it. The serial killer's Santa Claus mask is scary whereas everything else is forced. I nearly fell off my bed from laughing at Silent Night last Christmas Eve.

Watching the killer Santa literally taze that bratty 12-year-old pill popper to death still is hilarious and the best part of the entire movie. I discussed Silent Night with my friend, Charlie JJ Kruger from Horror-Punks.com, 2 months ago.

Charlie also said the movie was terrible. He's not lying. Silent Night was a Shit Sandwich.

Out of all 5 Christmas Slashers, Silent Night, Deadly Night is the best in my opinion and Black Christmas creeps behind it. Even though I wasn't afraid of any Christmas Slasher Movie above, I believe casual viewers will be.

Silent Night, Deadly Night has a bit more of a backstory to Billy Chapman's killing spree. On the other hand, Billy in Black Christmas (not to be confused with Billy Chapman) is never physically shown. We only know that he's a stalker/serial killer. That in itself is enough to scare people, since stalkers and serial killers really exist.

If you happen to watch these Christmas Slashers (you can YouTube them all for free), let me know what you think!